I love it!

Months of not updating my blog, and then you decide to write again. But what do I write? Do I write about the last months? Do I write about now? Do I write about the future or do I post that what I was writing for myself?

Honestly the months were crazy, in a good funny and live your life way, the last weeks were hard and very emotional. Writing a good blog is a challenge today……Today I am home. Home with my family, with my friends. Home….where my life once started and what seems to be a safe place…but why…why this safe place doesn’t give me satisfaction? Today I cycled through my small town, and I realize how beautiful it is. I was standing next to my father’s grave asking why I am always so restless? Why it seems it is never good enough?

Anyway the months I didn’t write, I can say I lived my life, fearless. Working a lot like a real Icelander supposed to do during the summer. I worked in the five different hotels that we have, I switch from days to nights and the other way around. I take bar shifts and was everywhere were was needed. I challenged myself doing this, I learned and I grow and most important…I loved it!!!!

I continued working out a lot and my friends even convinced me to go to the gym. Not a place that I like in general. Not that I don’t like sports because I do. But I just prefer being outside and alone. No one has to see how I am moving this ass to get in better shape. I had a goal in mind…….so how they convinced me? Well Icelandic muscles, hot tubs and faster reaching my goal made me go. I even went after 12 hours of night shift…I also LOVED IT!

Iris was gone, but Kadri my friend of last year World Wide Friends came, Alice another good friend of WWF was coming and more and more people were coming back for the summer. It was a lunch here, coffee there, dinners, little trips and just enjoying the moments that I was not working….I enjoyed my life during the summer…..I loved it!!

So if I loved so many thing during the summer what about love? Well I was busy celebrating all the national days. First of all World Cup. I mean I stay and am Dutch and grew up with football so I almost didn’t miss a game!!!!! My roomates and friends are Spanish and Mexican so it was a bit difficult at some points but yeah…..may the best win 

Then there was the gay pride. Some of you know, some of you don’t my 3 handsome man are gay so the gay pride was a big thing in my house. It was so much fun!! It was quiet a nice day for Icelandic summer and most of all…..it was their day and I was a part of it. We went to a big party with a bus and of course we ruled the bus. We were dancing and singing in the bus, we are Santa Sede, this was their/our party!!!

And more and more national days but my head was not with love at all. At least not with love for myself. I saw little relationships breaking apart and growing, I saw tears and smiles with the one…”I know this is the love of my life’’ I saw a search to the one, on this small little island, where it is hard to find more then a night….so in that case he chooses the night. I also saw the one falling in love with a little smile, adding on facebook and having internet conversations. I heard him saying ‘’he is sioooo cute’’ but now months later….the four of us are still alone. Love is not ready….and as I said my head was not looking for love and yess that was the moment something happened (yess again)

It was cultural day. It is a big event all over the city. Music everywhere and everyone is outside. We celebrate the fact we can live all together and try to create understanding for one and another. It was very busy in the hotel and I decided to take my lunch outside. I needed a different environment to clear my mind a bit. I walked to ginger and while I passed the window and I saw a man….I thought I know this guy……. After I order my lunch I took my place a couple of chairs away from him. Yess I am scared of men, special if they are good looking! I started eating….and suddenly….’’he girl, It sounds very cliché but do I know you ?’’ I laughed and told him I had the same thought but that I really didn’t know from what. I thought ‘’I definitely didn’t spend a night with you, but somehow I know how your body must look like’’ So I said, Are you going to the pool of gym a lot? ‘’Yes both’’ BINGO!! That is why I know he has a very good body……we started talking and talking and forgot about the time…..suddenly I saw the time and needed to run back to work….screaming I gave him mu number…..’’This fucking island, again I gave my number to someone…….’’ 1 hour later, you are cute, hope to see you soon……Well I am not sensitive for this kinds of things but I met this guy in a different way, so maybe I should give a shot.

3 days later we had a date. A date in Iceland is special, almost no one dates, and gentleman are rare…I changed my clothes 4 times, and was nervous as hell….a date that was A LONG LONG time….how do you do that kind of things? Of course I was fashionable late. We drunk a coffee and talked talked and talked. What a interesting man but we were totally the opposite!!!!!! How much that was I didn’t knew it at that moment. The first date was a almost perfect date so of course many followed….
One morning he made my breakfast…….I told him I don’t eat bread, milk products and some other things but he came with bread, different kinds of cheese, eggs etc. Very sweet I thought……I know you don’t eat this kind of food but try it, it is good for you……then I thought ‘’so you didn’t forget that I don’t eat it, but you think it is good for me so you gave it!! Gggrr’’ I didn’t say anything as I wanted to be polite, but my politeness didn’t take much longer…..we had again some conversations about culture life etc etc, and as we were very very different these kind of conversations were very interesting.. ..till we came at the subject..gays…I will not elaborate to much about it, lets say that I take this personal as many many of my friends are gay so if you tell me being gay is a choose and you tell me some other thought who are coming from the 1920’s I had enough. I wanted to stand up scream and run away but I didn’t. The next time we saw each other he continued and also told me there is one way to happiness….find a man, get married and make little ellens…….Well my friend also in this we are a bit different, I started to laugh, took my stuff kissed him one more time and closed the door. I knew if I man is good looking, smart, funny, interesting, well mannered, knows how to treat a lady, then something has to be wrong!!! And I was right.

Back home my dear sweet 3 man told me ‘’we are sorry for you, would be nice’’ but at the end…..I Know it had to be like this because of the plan I made during the summer….

I was working a lot, didn’t spend to much money and decided that I wanted to do something nice with my money. Something that I was dreaming about so many years!! Australia……last year I wanted to make a compromise with myself working in Hungary on a horse farm…because I thought I would never make it to Australia……But it was possible and if I didn’t try then I would always regret. I applied for the visa, I applied for some jobs and a weeks weeks later I had the answer in one day. I had the visa and the job, I was going to Australia!!! So from that moment on my life was all about that. I ate, breath, thought, runned Australia. My mind was almost nowhere else. I was going to make my deepest longest dream come true. It was time to leave Iceland, I needed a change a break from the island that give me so much.

Now in just a few days I will sit in the plane to the other side of the world. If I think about it I am happy, proud, excited and scared like hell :D I am going to work and travel around. I am going to challenge myself again, grow and maybe get rid of this annoying teenager :P
When I left Iceland I cried inside of me, even if I was going home….where is home? Home is only in my heart and my heart are the people who stand by me all the time who surprise me with that every day. <3